How does one ever feel like they fit into this huge world filled with people of such variety? I know that my title is the Confident Modern Woman but at the moment I feel as far as confident as one can be. My negativity has consumed my body, my mind and my soul and now is the time for me to change all of that into positivity. I know that we cannot control circumstances that happen around us or to us but when we fall we must pick ourselves up and begin to walk again.
The past year and half has been a roller coaster of ups, downs, twists and turns and feels like it is continuing to plummet downward until I can stop it in its tracks. In the past year, I have lost the love of my life, quit my job, moved back into my mother's house and have started college as an adult. Now it is time for me to find my place in this world!
For so long I thought that I wanted to be a fashion designer because I was to short to be a model and had a scar on my leg so I couldn't be an actress. Honestly, I love acting and being in front of people talking. Yes, like anyone I get jitters about being in front of people but then something takes over me and I love what I am doing at that moment. So only a handful of people know this but now I am announcing it to the world.... I am going to major in acting and pursue an acting career.
I do understand that I have a natural talent at design so as I pursue my major and new career, I will continue to support myself thru my art. I love my art but I am not in love with it. It is time that I fall in love with my life again... fall in love with me!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Back on Track
"When you struggle with your partner, you are struggling with yourself. Every fault you see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself. "- Deepak Chopra
So as you all have seen or not seen, I haven't blogged in a while mainly because I have been far from confident. They say that when it rains, it pours...well that has been my life lately! The biggest struggle of them all is my relationship with my boyfriend who will now be referred to as Pink Pants (my daughter refers to his albums by a guy in pink pants on the cover of one!). As you have read in my previous blogs, my relationship with Pink Pants has been one of great struggle and many tears.
I read the quote above and realized that I do concentrate on many of the flaws of our relationship instead of the great things between us. I have this "plan" of the way I want my relationship to be and when it doesn't conform to that, lets just say its not pretty and Pink Pants will tell you that.
Insecurity.... This is the biggest struggle within myself and it has been reflected in my relationship to a point where it has pushed Pink Pants away at times. To others, I can carry a certain confidence and some even say arrogance (my nickname is Princess) but when I am with him all of that goes out the door. I want someone who wants to give me attention. That asks how my day is going or just calls to say hi and hear my voice. See he can go days without talking to me and I struggle with that immensely. I tend to wonder how much I can matter to him if he doesn't care to see how I am doing. Now, I know that alot of that is my anxiety and insecurity that I need to work on within myself.
Jealousy... The big "Green Eyed Monster"! Everyone has had a struggle with jealousy at some point in their life but this one is a consistent struggle in my life. In the past I have been cheated on and now I trust very few people. So I did go into my relationship with Pink Pants, having very little trust and his close relationship with some females made me feeling like the past was going to be repeated. In the beginning, he gave me no real reason to feel this way until I started catching him in lies which he told to avoid my jealous "rages". Jealousy and Insecurity go hand in hand and something that I am working on everyday.
So now that I have aired my "bad" side, I am still on the fence on whether I should continue this relationship or let Pink Pants go. I know that we care about each more than words can tell but I also know that my frustration has hit an all time high. I am not asking to be treated like a Princess but communication is essential to a relationship. So I am going to try and concentrate on the good points in our relationship and give it sometime to develop....
So as you all have seen or not seen, I haven't blogged in a while mainly because I have been far from confident. They say that when it rains, it pours...well that has been my life lately! The biggest struggle of them all is my relationship with my boyfriend who will now be referred to as Pink Pants (my daughter refers to his albums by a guy in pink pants on the cover of one!). As you have read in my previous blogs, my relationship with Pink Pants has been one of great struggle and many tears.
I read the quote above and realized that I do concentrate on many of the flaws of our relationship instead of the great things between us. I have this "plan" of the way I want my relationship to be and when it doesn't conform to that, lets just say its not pretty and Pink Pants will tell you that.
Insecurity.... This is the biggest struggle within myself and it has been reflected in my relationship to a point where it has pushed Pink Pants away at times. To others, I can carry a certain confidence and some even say arrogance (my nickname is Princess) but when I am with him all of that goes out the door. I want someone who wants to give me attention. That asks how my day is going or just calls to say hi and hear my voice. See he can go days without talking to me and I struggle with that immensely. I tend to wonder how much I can matter to him if he doesn't care to see how I am doing. Now, I know that alot of that is my anxiety and insecurity that I need to work on within myself.
Jealousy... The big "Green Eyed Monster"! Everyone has had a struggle with jealousy at some point in their life but this one is a consistent struggle in my life. In the past I have been cheated on and now I trust very few people. So I did go into my relationship with Pink Pants, having very little trust and his close relationship with some females made me feeling like the past was going to be repeated. In the beginning, he gave me no real reason to feel this way until I started catching him in lies which he told to avoid my jealous "rages". Jealousy and Insecurity go hand in hand and something that I am working on everyday.
So now that I have aired my "bad" side, I am still on the fence on whether I should continue this relationship or let Pink Pants go. I know that we care about each more than words can tell but I also know that my frustration has hit an all time high. I am not asking to be treated like a Princess but communication is essential to a relationship. So I am going to try and concentrate on the good points in our relationship and give it sometime to develop....
Friday, May 21, 2010
Lemons into Lemonade
"When Life Gives you Lemons Make Lemonade!"
Well that quote should give you a hint into what has been going on in my life...alot of lemons! I am slowly trying to make the lemons into lemonade but one thing I am learning is that I can only take things one step at a time because I can't change the past and can't control the future!
In one week alone...
I have no running car so I am walking everyone or relying others for rides
I got into a fight with my boyfriend and almost lost him
Got some news from the doctor that is not great
Lost my charger for my Laptop
Miserable in my Job
I could keep going on and on but....
I am staying positive with my affrimations and focusing on what I can do not what I can't do!
In this week I have learned that...
People are willing to help someone in need
That I love my boyfriend and need to learn not to take out my frustrations on him
Medicine and knowledge will help me thru this
My boyfriend lent me his laptop so I can continue business things
That each day I am at work I am one day closer to making my business my life
So for every negative there is a positive! Just stay focused on today :)
Well that quote should give you a hint into what has been going on in my life...alot of lemons! I am slowly trying to make the lemons into lemonade but one thing I am learning is that I can only take things one step at a time because I can't change the past and can't control the future!
In one week alone...
I have no running car so I am walking everyone or relying others for rides
I got into a fight with my boyfriend and almost lost him
Got some news from the doctor that is not great
Lost my charger for my Laptop
Miserable in my Job
I could keep going on and on but....
I am staying positive with my affrimations and focusing on what I can do not what I can't do!
In this week I have learned that...
People are willing to help someone in need
That I love my boyfriend and need to learn not to take out my frustrations on him
Medicine and knowledge will help me thru this
My boyfriend lent me his laptop so I can continue business things
That each day I am at work I am one day closer to making my business my life
So for every negative there is a positive! Just stay focused on today :)
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Out with the Old
“Three Rules of Work: Out of clutter find simplicity; From discord find harmony; In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”
~Albert Einstein
Clutter has take over my life! It is as simple as that and now is the time for me to take control of this clutter that has taken over my life...
So some people in my life say that I am borderline hoarder because I save everything. I have this idea in my mind that I could end up needing to use, one day going to read or will wear something and just can't give it up EVER! Yes this is a huge problem that I have been slowly working on but as one thing goes away two new thing take its place. So my goal is for the next week I will take a half hour each day and devote it to Clutter Time. Clutter Time will be me re-organizing and de-cluttering my area and life! Each day I will update you on my progress at the end of my blog post. So wish me luck!!
~Albert Einstein
Clutter has take over my life! It is as simple as that and now is the time for me to take control of this clutter that has taken over my life...
So some people in my life say that I am borderline hoarder because I save everything. I have this idea in my mind that I could end up needing to use, one day going to read or will wear something and just can't give it up EVER! Yes this is a huge problem that I have been slowly working on but as one thing goes away two new thing take its place. So my goal is for the next week I will take a half hour each day and devote it to Clutter Time. Clutter Time will be me re-organizing and de-cluttering my area and life! Each day I will update you on my progress at the end of my blog post. So wish me luck!!
Monday, May 3, 2010
Life is Great
"There is only one happiness in life -- to love and to be loved"
I know that when people see the word love they think of a romantic meaning of love but love can come in so many different forms and from many people. To feel the love and warm affections of another person can lift a person spirit to a whole new level because they know that they are not alone in this world.
So to explain where quote fits into my life....
This past weekend was a HUGE stepping stone in my relationship with my BF because after 8 months of dating I finally met his parents. To get to this point was a long and twisted road that has had some tears and heartbreak along the way but the moments of happiness over took the bad. I felt the love and warm affections of his family the instant I met them.
I was a nervous wreck the few days leading up to the meet the family lunch! I wanted everything to be perfect and was so afraid to fail and make a fool of myself. As my gift to them, I bought a beautiful bouquet of flowers, a nice bottle of wine (the store owner picked it out cause I know NOTHING about wine!) and made a wine bottle bag. I felt that I needed to share my talents with them and show them I was more than a cashier at a local market. Then came the outfit! I couldn't find a dress that suited me at all so the Friday before I bought a pattern and made my dress. It turned out really nice and I was very happy with it. So now for the big day...
Nervous was putting it mildly as I drove up to his house with my hands shaking and butterflies in my stomach. The moment I met his mother I felt this instant warmth and happiness inside of me that made me so happy to have met the woman who created the beautiful man that I love so much. She was just so nice and I don't mean a fake nice but genuinely nice. From that moment, I understood where my BF got his compassion (though it does lack somedays) and caring side. So now for his dad, the man made me laugh which is where my BF gets his joking and carefree attitude. I know that BF will never admit this but in many ways he is like his dad and that is a great thing but the world needs more people that can make someone laugh and smile!
At the family lunch was also BF's brother, how is BF's twin but a few years older! They are so much alike it is scary in ways but he is a sweetheart too. So we all got to know one another and I was quite shocked that I was not really asked to many questions about my life. I really would have figured that my single mom status would have been brought up but it wasn't. (unless they are saving the drilling questions for the next dinner?) By the end of the afternoon, I ate alot of great Italian food, had a great conversation, was told I was coming to other family functions and was floating on Cloud Nine which is where I have been ever since!
I will be eternally grateful for the man that is has entered my life and the parents that have to the time and effort into making him a beautiful, loving man. I hope that there is many more family get together in the future!!
I know that when people see the word love they think of a romantic meaning of love but love can come in so many different forms and from many people. To feel the love and warm affections of another person can lift a person spirit to a whole new level because they know that they are not alone in this world.
So to explain where quote fits into my life....
This past weekend was a HUGE stepping stone in my relationship with my BF because after 8 months of dating I finally met his parents. To get to this point was a long and twisted road that has had some tears and heartbreak along the way but the moments of happiness over took the bad. I felt the love and warm affections of his family the instant I met them.
I was a nervous wreck the few days leading up to the meet the family lunch! I wanted everything to be perfect and was so afraid to fail and make a fool of myself. As my gift to them, I bought a beautiful bouquet of flowers, a nice bottle of wine (the store owner picked it out cause I know NOTHING about wine!) and made a wine bottle bag. I felt that I needed to share my talents with them and show them I was more than a cashier at a local market. Then came the outfit! I couldn't find a dress that suited me at all so the Friday before I bought a pattern and made my dress. It turned out really nice and I was very happy with it. So now for the big day...
Nervous was putting it mildly as I drove up to his house with my hands shaking and butterflies in my stomach. The moment I met his mother I felt this instant warmth and happiness inside of me that made me so happy to have met the woman who created the beautiful man that I love so much. She was just so nice and I don't mean a fake nice but genuinely nice. From that moment, I understood where my BF got his compassion (though it does lack somedays) and caring side. So now for his dad, the man made me laugh which is where my BF gets his joking and carefree attitude. I know that BF will never admit this but in many ways he is like his dad and that is a great thing but the world needs more people that can make someone laugh and smile!
At the family lunch was also BF's brother, how is BF's twin but a few years older! They are so much alike it is scary in ways but he is a sweetheart too. So we all got to know one another and I was quite shocked that I was not really asked to many questions about my life. I really would have figured that my single mom status would have been brought up but it wasn't. (unless they are saving the drilling questions for the next dinner?) By the end of the afternoon, I ate alot of great Italian food, had a great conversation, was told I was coming to other family functions and was floating on Cloud Nine which is where I have been ever since!
I will be eternally grateful for the man that is has entered my life and the parents that have to the time and effort into making him a beautiful, loving man. I hope that there is many more family get together in the future!!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Just One of Those Days
"When things go wrong, you'll find they usually go on getting worse for some time; but when things once start going right they often go on getting better and better.”
Ok so today is one of those days for me! I can't go into much detail on what is occurring but lets just say everything that can go wrong has gone wrong today! It is the most frustrating feeling in the world but I am trying to focus on tomorrow will be better.
To give you some tidbits on what has occurred...
My car is not the nicest in the world but it is enough to get me back in forth to work and other places I need to go. Well every few months or so, something goes wrong with it! It is the most frustrating thing in the world not knowing when and what will brake on it next. So today, as I was on the phone getting some other frustrating news the door decides it won't close! I had to drive home with a broken door until I can figure out how I am going to get it fixed. Everyone around me keeps telling me to get a new(er) car, well if money grew on trees then I would but as a single mom it is not in my budget at the moment.
Second on my list... On Wednesdays the UPS man brings our paychecks. Well we waited and waited and the UPS man didn't bring our paychecks(guaranteed tomorrow)! Well as a person who lives paycheck to paycheck, I was counting on it to come and I would be able to get gas and diapers. So I have just enough money for gas and as long as the Lil One has no problems I have just enough to last me until tomorrow. I hate living check to check but that is my life!
There are a few other things going on but I can't talk about them at the moment but maybe in a future blog...
I mean everyday can't be a bad day so when you are having one of those days just think about how much better tomorrow will be and smile :)
Ok so today is one of those days for me! I can't go into much detail on what is occurring but lets just say everything that can go wrong has gone wrong today! It is the most frustrating feeling in the world but I am trying to focus on tomorrow will be better.
To give you some tidbits on what has occurred...
My car is not the nicest in the world but it is enough to get me back in forth to work and other places I need to go. Well every few months or so, something goes wrong with it! It is the most frustrating thing in the world not knowing when and what will brake on it next. So today, as I was on the phone getting some other frustrating news the door decides it won't close! I had to drive home with a broken door until I can figure out how I am going to get it fixed. Everyone around me keeps telling me to get a new(er) car, well if money grew on trees then I would but as a single mom it is not in my budget at the moment.
Second on my list... On Wednesdays the UPS man brings our paychecks. Well we waited and waited and the UPS man didn't bring our paychecks(guaranteed tomorrow)! Well as a person who lives paycheck to paycheck, I was counting on it to come and I would be able to get gas and diapers. So I have just enough money for gas and as long as the Lil One has no problems I have just enough to last me until tomorrow. I hate living check to check but that is my life!
There are a few other things going on but I can't talk about them at the moment but maybe in a future blog...
I mean everyday can't be a bad day so when you are having one of those days just think about how much better tomorrow will be and smile :)
Friday, April 23, 2010
Happily Busy
“The busy man is troubled with but one devil; the idle man by a thousand”
That quote just amazes me because it is so true to my life. The more time I have to just sit idle the more things sit in my head and bother me to the point of no return... This means it gives me time to pick a fight with my BF! (never a good thing for your relationship!) So this past week I have been on the go and when I have time to sit I made sure that it was with the my honey!
My business has really taken on a life of its own with keeping my life busy, busy, busy which I love. I would love for the sales to match the time put into it but I am slowly working on that. I can't even describe the joy and even awe that I feel everytime I finish every single piece that I create. I look at it with amazement that I really created this piece and one day someone will buy it and show others what I created!
I am always the first person to say how shy I am to talk about my own creations but I am slowly coming out of my shell and as my everyday work on my confidence grows so does my ability to believe in myself and my works of art. To me this is what my creations are: not just clothing or accessories but works of art that come from my own 2 hands!
So my advice to all of you is to do what you love and this will help build your confidence in every way! You will love yourself just as much as your hobby or job if you happy everyday!
That quote just amazes me because it is so true to my life. The more time I have to just sit idle the more things sit in my head and bother me to the point of no return... This means it gives me time to pick a fight with my BF! (never a good thing for your relationship!) So this past week I have been on the go and when I have time to sit I made sure that it was with the my honey!
My business has really taken on a life of its own with keeping my life busy, busy, busy which I love. I would love for the sales to match the time put into it but I am slowly working on that. I can't even describe the joy and even awe that I feel everytime I finish every single piece that I create. I look at it with amazement that I really created this piece and one day someone will buy it and show others what I created!
I am always the first person to say how shy I am to talk about my own creations but I am slowly coming out of my shell and as my everyday work on my confidence grows so does my ability to believe in myself and my works of art. To me this is what my creations are: not just clothing or accessories but works of art that come from my own 2 hands!
So my advice to all of you is to do what you love and this will help build your confidence in every way! You will love yourself just as much as your hobby or job if you happy everyday!
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Productivity Creates Success
"Productivity is never an accident. It is always the result of a commitment to excellence, intelligent planning, and focused effort.”
I will be the first to admit that I have been going through Facebook withdraw BUT I can't believe how much I have gotten accomplished in just 2 days! In these 2 days I have created a new Marissa handbag (similar to this one ), a necklace for my new jewelry line, started a new Marissa handbag and worked on my BF blanket.
Being productive and seeing how much I can accomplish without surfing the internet has been great for my confidence. There has been my moments where I long to just go sit on Facebook and check up on things but I think that this yearning will slowly fade. My projects are long ones so to see myself getting this all done has encouraged me to continue with this momentum everyday!
Happy and Excited....
I will be the first to admit that I have been going through Facebook withdraw BUT I can't believe how much I have gotten accomplished in just 2 days! In these 2 days I have created a new Marissa handbag (similar to this one ), a necklace for my new jewelry line, started a new Marissa handbag and worked on my BF blanket.
Being productive and seeing how much I can accomplish without surfing the internet has been great for my confidence. There has been my moments where I long to just go sit on Facebook and check up on things but I think that this yearning will slowly fade. My projects are long ones so to see myself getting this all done has encouraged me to continue with this momentum everyday!
Happy and Excited....
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Parting Ways with Facebook
You know that your addicted to Facebook when:
1. You have a 10 page research paper that is worth half your grade due tomorrow and you find yourself getting distracted by facebook every 5 mins.
2. When talking with your friends someone says a random comment and you all exclaim "facebook quote!"
3. After meeting someone new, you ask if they have a facebook.
4. You check your facebook as soon as you wake up, and right before you go to bed, including the 10 times you check it during the day.
5. You feel like you are missing out on...
As I have mentioned in a previous posting, I have become addicted to facebook...
This addiction to consistently know what is going on in the lives of others and them to know my life has gotten out of control. After a long discussion with BF last night, I realized that the only way to release this addiction is to deactivate my profile. When Facebook affects your relationship, it is time to re-evaluate your priorities!
See this has been an ongoing struggle in my relationship with BF and has been the cause of more than one fight. He feels that I spend any free time on facebook that should be spent with him and he is right. When I am with him and he is doing/watching something that doesn't interest me, I automatically turn to my phone and go on Facebook. Now it has been causing an even larger fight because I feel that if we are in a relationship then his profile should reflect it. Now, I know that the hacker changed his status to widowed but I think that it should be changed back to in a relationship with me. Plus, when we broke up he changed his info to looking for women and dating and this upsets me that it hasn't been changed either. He tells me that it is not a big deal cause he is rarely on facebook and that we know we are together. Well, let me tell you, it does not make me happy at all! If you are with me then you should be proud and want others to know and if facebook doesn't mean anything to you then what is the big deal to change it back!
Ok so now that I am done ranting...I have decided that for the best of my relationship I deactivate my Facebook. I did need to set up a profile so that I can continue to run my fan page for my business but that will be strictly for business only. I know that I will go through my withdraws but hopefully my relationship will improve instead of disintegrate!
1. You have a 10 page research paper that is worth half your grade due tomorrow and you find yourself getting distracted by facebook every 5 mins.
2. When talking with your friends someone says a random comment and you all exclaim "facebook quote!"
3. After meeting someone new, you ask if they have a facebook.
4. You check your facebook as soon as you wake up, and right before you go to bed, including the 10 times you check it during the day.
5. You feel like you are missing out on...
As I have mentioned in a previous posting, I have become addicted to facebook...
This addiction to consistently know what is going on in the lives of others and them to know my life has gotten out of control. After a long discussion with BF last night, I realized that the only way to release this addiction is to deactivate my profile. When Facebook affects your relationship, it is time to re-evaluate your priorities!
See this has been an ongoing struggle in my relationship with BF and has been the cause of more than one fight. He feels that I spend any free time on facebook that should be spent with him and he is right. When I am with him and he is doing/watching something that doesn't interest me, I automatically turn to my phone and go on Facebook. Now it has been causing an even larger fight because I feel that if we are in a relationship then his profile should reflect it. Now, I know that the hacker changed his status to widowed but I think that it should be changed back to in a relationship with me. Plus, when we broke up he changed his info to looking for women and dating and this upsets me that it hasn't been changed either. He tells me that it is not a big deal cause he is rarely on facebook and that we know we are together. Well, let me tell you, it does not make me happy at all! If you are with me then you should be proud and want others to know and if facebook doesn't mean anything to you then what is the big deal to change it back!
Ok so now that I am done ranting...I have decided that for the best of my relationship I deactivate my Facebook. I did need to set up a profile so that I can continue to run my fan page for my business but that will be strictly for business only. I know that I will go through my withdraws but hopefully my relationship will improve instead of disintegrate!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Twinge of Jealousy
"Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead; sometimes you're behind. The race is long and in the end, it is only with yourself"
To say that I am Facebook obsessed is truly an understatment because I can't go more than an hour without checking it. I love to see all the updates of what is going on in my friends lives and the ones that I can't be near I am glad I say a few nice things too...
Well that being said, I have been finding myself becoming "friends" with many people I went to high school with lately and while it is great to see and talk to some old friends and acquaintances it comes with a small price. It seems like the females are all married or getting married. Each of them have their profile picture of them in their wedding dresses and as I see each of them so happy it kinda tugs at my heart just a bit.
Yes, I have been married and divorced before I even reached the age of 25 but it wasn't the wedding I had always dreamed of. Here is my story: I had gotten pregnant at 18 and as much as I cared for my then-boyfriend, I was no where ready to marry but we did cause it was the "right" thing to do. We had 2 kids and were absolutely miserable the entire time. We always fought and I finally had enough and left.
I know that most little girls have their weddings all planned out and I am no exception. My friends laugh that I have the wedding planned out and I don't even need the guy. Being a Fashion Designer who wants to one day design only wedding dresses (yes the next Vera Wang!), I have had "the Dress" designed for over 10 years but it has been altered over the years. Of course I have my dream location which I doubt would EVER happen but I would love for it to be Italy. I love the beauty of the county, from the vineyards to the architecture. Anywhere in the country would be lovely. ahh...a girl can dream!
So after seeing all these girls having their special weddings, it truly makes a me a tad jealous that I don't know if I had my chance and its gone. Where I am in my relationship right now is no where near an engagement or marriage so I know not to count on that happening with BF. I am trying to live each day one and at a time but I don't know if I can ever stop wanting to have my special day...
To say that I am Facebook obsessed is truly an understatment because I can't go more than an hour without checking it. I love to see all the updates of what is going on in my friends lives and the ones that I can't be near I am glad I say a few nice things too...
Well that being said, I have been finding myself becoming "friends" with many people I went to high school with lately and while it is great to see and talk to some old friends and acquaintances it comes with a small price. It seems like the females are all married or getting married. Each of them have their profile picture of them in their wedding dresses and as I see each of them so happy it kinda tugs at my heart just a bit.
Yes, I have been married and divorced before I even reached the age of 25 but it wasn't the wedding I had always dreamed of. Here is my story: I had gotten pregnant at 18 and as much as I cared for my then-boyfriend, I was no where ready to marry but we did cause it was the "right" thing to do. We had 2 kids and were absolutely miserable the entire time. We always fought and I finally had enough and left.
I know that most little girls have their weddings all planned out and I am no exception. My friends laugh that I have the wedding planned out and I don't even need the guy. Being a Fashion Designer who wants to one day design only wedding dresses (yes the next Vera Wang!), I have had "the Dress" designed for over 10 years but it has been altered over the years. Of course I have my dream location which I doubt would EVER happen but I would love for it to be Italy. I love the beauty of the county, from the vineyards to the architecture. Anywhere in the country would be lovely. ahh...a girl can dream!
So after seeing all these girls having their special weddings, it truly makes a me a tad jealous that I don't know if I had my chance and its gone. Where I am in my relationship right now is no where near an engagement or marriage so I know not to count on that happening with BF. I am trying to live each day one and at a time but I don't know if I can ever stop wanting to have my special day...
Monday, April 12, 2010
Luckiest Girl Ever
“Love is like an earthquake-unpredictable, a little scary, but when the hard part is over you realize how lucky you truly are.”
I know in the past few weeks I have had my doubts about my boyfriend and our relationship but recently things have been shifting for the good or should I say great! I feel this ease about my relationship that makes me smile in an instant when I just sit and think about it. Sometimes I sit here and wonder if I ever truly knew what love was or is because each day I am with my boyfriend I feel like I fall more in love with him.
Yesterday, I wrote about my date night but I left the most amazing part of my weekend to tonight's blog post....
After spending the entire weekend with BF and Lil One, I was getting our things together to leave. As I was doing this, BF took Lil One out to see the Moo Cows (yes he lives on a farm but not a farmer!). This was a first for him to take her out without me and I was very pleased with his offer. So as I packed the car, I looked around and didn't see them at the normal spot in front of the gate. When I was finished, I started to walk down the road that leads to the far fields and around the bend was BF and Lil One walking hand in hand and BF was pointing to the baby calves that were just born. It instantly brought tears to my eyes and has each time I have told this story in the past 2 days. The tears are of pure joy because I never thought I would see the day that my bachelor, never had experience with kids BF would connect with my Lil One also known as Lil Terror (thanks to one to many temper tantrums!)
That was 2 of the most important people in my life sharing a moment together. That to me is love and I hope that I can expierence this feeling over and over again because today I am the luckiest girl in the world to have caring friends and family and a loving Boyfriend!
I know in the past few weeks I have had my doubts about my boyfriend and our relationship but recently things have been shifting for the good or should I say great! I feel this ease about my relationship that makes me smile in an instant when I just sit and think about it. Sometimes I sit here and wonder if I ever truly knew what love was or is because each day I am with my boyfriend I feel like I fall more in love with him.
Yesterday, I wrote about my date night but I left the most amazing part of my weekend to tonight's blog post....
After spending the entire weekend with BF and Lil One, I was getting our things together to leave. As I was doing this, BF took Lil One out to see the Moo Cows (yes he lives on a farm but not a farmer!). This was a first for him to take her out without me and I was very pleased with his offer. So as I packed the car, I looked around and didn't see them at the normal spot in front of the gate. When I was finished, I started to walk down the road that leads to the far fields and around the bend was BF and Lil One walking hand in hand and BF was pointing to the baby calves that were just born. It instantly brought tears to my eyes and has each time I have told this story in the past 2 days. The tears are of pure joy because I never thought I would see the day that my bachelor, never had experience with kids BF would connect with my Lil One also known as Lil Terror (thanks to one to many temper tantrums!)
That was 2 of the most important people in my life sharing a moment together. That to me is love and I hope that I can expierence this feeling over and over again because today I am the luckiest girl in the world to have caring friends and family and a loving Boyfriend!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Date Night is Essential
In between goals is a thing called life that has to be lived and enjoyed-Sid Caesar
Everyone needs to have fun in this life and having fun makes a woman more confident in herself. Now when I say Date Night, I am not talking about just going out with another person but to expand on this idea of dating! If your taken, then go on dates with your significant other and have FUN! Get out of your comfort zone and go bowling, to a carnival and play games, to karaoke night or something that gets you active! If you are a single girl then find that guy you never thought you would go out on a date with and have FUN! You can go on the same kind of dates as a taken girl and laugh with the new guy!
Now my idea of expanding on Date Night.... Date Yourself!
Set up a time every week or every two weeks and go out and have some me time. This will get you out of your normal pace of life and you may find something new about yourself and what you like. Take an art class, take yourself to the movies, go out to dinner, even a solo walk around a part would do you good! Seeing being comfortable with yourself is essential to being a confident modern woman. Cause if you aren't comfortable in your own skin then you will not be comfortable being who you are in front of anyone else. Take a little risk and have fun!
See I have learned to appreciate my Date Nights much more since having Danyella (my lil one). My boyfriend and I don't get much privacy to even talk when she is around (I have my own walking parrot) so we have decided that once a week we will have a Date Night. This is one night where it is just us being adults and having fun! Last night we went to dinner and saw Hot Tub Time Machine (laughed my tushy off the entire time!) and this week we are planning a special dinner for us. I have many ideas for when the weather gets nicer too!
Now my Solo Date Nights don't happen as often as I would like but even so I do LOVE them! Last week, I went out to dinner with some friends which was nice to do without keeping watch over Lil One and this weekend is a girl's night naughty toy party (my first one and I am quite nervous!). I can tell you that I have a Solo Date Night planned for the opening weekend of Sex and the City 2 because I LOVE LOVE LOVE them! I know that no one would be able to appreciate watching the movie like I would so it is a night that is great for me time!
Just remember that life is about having fun and in order to be confident a woman needs to learn to smile and laugh with herself and others!
Everyone needs to have fun in this life and having fun makes a woman more confident in herself. Now when I say Date Night, I am not talking about just going out with another person but to expand on this idea of dating! If your taken, then go on dates with your significant other and have FUN! Get out of your comfort zone and go bowling, to a carnival and play games, to karaoke night or something that gets you active! If you are a single girl then find that guy you never thought you would go out on a date with and have FUN! You can go on the same kind of dates as a taken girl and laugh with the new guy!
Now my idea of expanding on Date Night.... Date Yourself!
Set up a time every week or every two weeks and go out and have some me time. This will get you out of your normal pace of life and you may find something new about yourself and what you like. Take an art class, take yourself to the movies, go out to dinner, even a solo walk around a part would do you good! Seeing being comfortable with yourself is essential to being a confident modern woman. Cause if you aren't comfortable in your own skin then you will not be comfortable being who you are in front of anyone else. Take a little risk and have fun!
See I have learned to appreciate my Date Nights much more since having Danyella (my lil one). My boyfriend and I don't get much privacy to even talk when she is around (I have my own walking parrot) so we have decided that once a week we will have a Date Night. This is one night where it is just us being adults and having fun! Last night we went to dinner and saw Hot Tub Time Machine (laughed my tushy off the entire time!) and this week we are planning a special dinner for us. I have many ideas for when the weather gets nicer too!
Now my Solo Date Nights don't happen as often as I would like but even so I do LOVE them! Last week, I went out to dinner with some friends which was nice to do without keeping watch over Lil One and this weekend is a girl's night naughty toy party (my first one and I am quite nervous!). I can tell you that I have a Solo Date Night planned for the opening weekend of Sex and the City 2 because I LOVE LOVE LOVE them! I know that no one would be able to appreciate watching the movie like I would so it is a night that is great for me time!
Just remember that life is about having fun and in order to be confident a woman needs to learn to smile and laugh with herself and others!
Friday, April 9, 2010
Hit by a Hacker
Everyone hears about the hacker or the virus on the computers but no one thinks it will happen to them...
Well this hacker didn't hack my account but it did affect me. My boyfriend's (yes not just kinda boyfriend now!) facebook account was hacked into last night and the hacker changed some of his settings and then chatted with me for about 4 hours! When I first saw that his relationship status changed, I knew something was up because BF knows that I would be upset (ok that is putting it mildly) if we weren't linked as a couple. So when I saw his profile pop up on chat I of course chatted him. At first I was nasty as I could be (yes I am a female so I can be a bitch!) and the hacker kept deleting me from the friend's list. What a idiot cause after a few minutes then he would friend request me again. While this was all going on, I was on the phone with BF's best friend trying to get the hacker out of the account. So I kept talking to the creeper....
After a while the guy got VERY perverted and when I wouldn't respond he got nasty by calling me all kinds of names and stuff. Well I found out that this person is someone local to us because he kept talking about New Hope (a local hot spot). The night finally ended with me telling him where to go and how to get there. BF's best friend was able to fix it this morning and all is well now except I am still a little shaken up by this! I think it scares me more that he is someone local and could be a stalker type person. After the things that were said to me, it makes me want to watch my back or at least not sleep alone at night.
I am just glad today that it is all fixed and I hope this guy can stay away!
Well this hacker didn't hack my account but it did affect me. My boyfriend's (yes not just kinda boyfriend now!) facebook account was hacked into last night and the hacker changed some of his settings and then chatted with me for about 4 hours! When I first saw that his relationship status changed, I knew something was up because BF knows that I would be upset (ok that is putting it mildly) if we weren't linked as a couple. So when I saw his profile pop up on chat I of course chatted him. At first I was nasty as I could be (yes I am a female so I can be a bitch!) and the hacker kept deleting me from the friend's list. What a idiot cause after a few minutes then he would friend request me again. While this was all going on, I was on the phone with BF's best friend trying to get the hacker out of the account. So I kept talking to the creeper....
After a while the guy got VERY perverted and when I wouldn't respond he got nasty by calling me all kinds of names and stuff. Well I found out that this person is someone local to us because he kept talking about New Hope (a local hot spot). The night finally ended with me telling him where to go and how to get there. BF's best friend was able to fix it this morning and all is well now except I am still a little shaken up by this! I think it scares me more that he is someone local and could be a stalker type person. After the things that were said to me, it makes me want to watch my back or at least not sleep alone at night.
I am just glad today that it is all fixed and I hope this guy can stay away!
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Something's Gotta Give
I have been evaluating what makes me happy and what doesn't make me happy this week....
The realization that I am miserable in my job has been a huge reality check for me. I know that many people don't work to be happy but to make money. I am not that type of person! If I am not happy where I spend the most of my time and energy than something's gotta give...
So I am starting the job hunt again! The job I have right now is cashier at a local grocery store. Nothing exciting but I loved my co-workers and customers. Now my co-workers are just as miserable as I am and the customers are just down right nasty to us because of the rising prices and unemployment rates. I would love to find a job where I can work a couple of days a week and then spend the rest of the time concentrating on my business. Without a doubt, I know that my business could be so much more successful if I had more time to devote to it.
So my game plan is to find a new job by the end of the month. One that will require less stress from the employers and give me more time for my business! Wish me luck :)
The realization that I am miserable in my job has been a huge reality check for me. I know that many people don't work to be happy but to make money. I am not that type of person! If I am not happy where I spend the most of my time and energy than something's gotta give...
So I am starting the job hunt again! The job I have right now is cashier at a local grocery store. Nothing exciting but I loved my co-workers and customers. Now my co-workers are just as miserable as I am and the customers are just down right nasty to us because of the rising prices and unemployment rates. I would love to find a job where I can work a couple of days a week and then spend the rest of the time concentrating on my business. Without a doubt, I know that my business could be so much more successful if I had more time to devote to it.
So my game plan is to find a new job by the end of the month. One that will require less stress from the employers and give me more time for my business! Wish me luck :)
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Happiness within Myself
"Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response."
-- Mildred Barthel
How can I expect someone else to be happy with me when I am rarely happy with myself? This is a question I posed to myself after talking to a co-worker today about his upcoming divorce. Like the end of all relationships, one of the partners begs the other for yet another chance to work things out (trust me I have been on that side of it many times!) but if one person is unhappy with themselves then the partnership will never work as a whole.
As I was saying this to my co-worker, I realized that it holds true to my own relationship with my boyfriend. As much as I love him, I can't expect him to love me back the same way when I don't love myself or treat myself with the respect I demand from him. And really why should he? In order to be confident, I would need to be happy with myself and I don't just mean physically! This applies to everything....body, mind, soul, morals etc!
I know that in order to be happy with myself I need to change my attitude and the way I think about myself. I am a beautiful girl with so much potential. I have many gifts and skills that create amazing things. Some day I am truly amazed at things I have made with my own 2 hands but most days I just abuse my hands by overworking them. I know that I care about the people in my life and have a hard time telling them no when they ask for something but maybe its time for a change!
So I am compiling a list of things I need or want to do with my life that could make me a little happier...
1. travel-I want to see the world and the beautify that I have seen in pictures in real life
2. make my business a success
3.take salsa lessons
4.turn all negatives (thoughts) into a positive!
-- Mildred Barthel
How can I expect someone else to be happy with me when I am rarely happy with myself? This is a question I posed to myself after talking to a co-worker today about his upcoming divorce. Like the end of all relationships, one of the partners begs the other for yet another chance to work things out (trust me I have been on that side of it many times!) but if one person is unhappy with themselves then the partnership will never work as a whole.
As I was saying this to my co-worker, I realized that it holds true to my own relationship with my boyfriend. As much as I love him, I can't expect him to love me back the same way when I don't love myself or treat myself with the respect I demand from him. And really why should he? In order to be confident, I would need to be happy with myself and I don't just mean physically! This applies to everything....body, mind, soul, morals etc!
I know that in order to be happy with myself I need to change my attitude and the way I think about myself. I am a beautiful girl with so much potential. I have many gifts and skills that create amazing things. Some day I am truly amazed at things I have made with my own 2 hands but most days I just abuse my hands by overworking them. I know that I care about the people in my life and have a hard time telling them no when they ask for something but maybe its time for a change!
So I am compiling a list of things I need or want to do with my life that could make me a little happier...
1. travel-I want to see the world and the beautify that I have seen in pictures in real life
2. make my business a success
3.take salsa lessons
4.turn all negatives (thoughts) into a positive!
Monday, April 5, 2010
Rather be Wrong
I would rather be wrong if it means I can love someone to much instead of being right not loving them enough!
Well my Easter was pretty nice...
Danyella and I went to church and she had her first egg hunt of the day. It was cute because she really did not know what she was doing but once she did it was smooth sailing. Then we went to my parents for lunch and another egg hunt. I love that at 28, I still get a Easter basket from my mom! Next we came home and had a nice Easter dinner with my landlord and her family. Danyella had her last egg hunt and was loving playing with the kids. I love to see her run around and smiling!
My night was supposed to end with us going to Kinda Boyfriend's house. Well we went but didn't stay because he didn't feel good (which was later told to me). I was more than disappointed about only getting to drop off the Easter presents and leave. I guess my disappointment was not well hidden cause when I talked to him later he called me out on my attitude. He says that every Sunday I start a fight with him and I realized that every Sunday I expect something from him and I end up disappointed. So now I am at a point that I need to make the decision of do I
1. Continue to live with the every Sunday disappointment
2. Find a way to get past the Sunday disappointment and not expect anything from him
3. Start over with someone new and hope that I don't have the disappointment again
After I dropped the gifts off, I came home and got quite drunk. I talked to him a bit but the conversation went no where because he doesn't understand (or that is how it seems to me) my disappointment and how I want to spend any moment I can with him. So I texted him If its wrong to want to spend every moment I can with the man I love then I never want to be right!
I know I love him with all my heart but only time will tell what will happen with us. I would spend the rest of my life with him but I don't think he will ever get to that point....
Well my Easter was pretty nice...
Danyella and I went to church and she had her first egg hunt of the day. It was cute because she really did not know what she was doing but once she did it was smooth sailing. Then we went to my parents for lunch and another egg hunt. I love that at 28, I still get a Easter basket from my mom! Next we came home and had a nice Easter dinner with my landlord and her family. Danyella had her last egg hunt and was loving playing with the kids. I love to see her run around and smiling!
My night was supposed to end with us going to Kinda Boyfriend's house. Well we went but didn't stay because he didn't feel good (which was later told to me). I was more than disappointed about only getting to drop off the Easter presents and leave. I guess my disappointment was not well hidden cause when I talked to him later he called me out on my attitude. He says that every Sunday I start a fight with him and I realized that every Sunday I expect something from him and I end up disappointed. So now I am at a point that I need to make the decision of do I
1. Continue to live with the every Sunday disappointment
2. Find a way to get past the Sunday disappointment and not expect anything from him
3. Start over with someone new and hope that I don't have the disappointment again
After I dropped the gifts off, I came home and got quite drunk. I talked to him a bit but the conversation went no where because he doesn't understand (or that is how it seems to me) my disappointment and how I want to spend any moment I can with him. So I texted him If its wrong to want to spend every moment I can with the man I love then I never want to be right!
I know I love him with all my heart but only time will tell what will happen with us. I would spend the rest of my life with him but I don't think he will ever get to that point....
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Getting My Anxiety Under Control
"Worry is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.”
Until recently, I never realized how much my anxiety has taken over my life but it has found the depths of my mind and is effecting my body. Over the past few days, I was having 3-4 anxiety (panic) attacks a day which includes waking up in the middle of the night with one. The nighttime episodes are the scariest because I can feel it but it is hard to snap out of the dream state and start breathing again.
I know that the attacks are caused by some overwhelming stress in my life that I am in desperate need of controlling. Just this week alone, my job has become worse and I just want to quit and start somewhere new. Alas, I cannot quit without having another job lined up or having my biz take off and I can just work from home which sucks! Then you all know what has been going on with my boyfriend situation which I am happy to say we are attempting to work things out and he is feeling much better! Lastly, having a sick toddler is never easy but just adds some pressure when you are a single mom who just wants a bit of sleep and can't just drop and sleep when I feel like it....
So when I talked to the doctor the other day, he agreed that I need something to help with the attacks because they are not healthy for my mind or body. So he prescribed me a medication to take which after 2 days is seeming to start to help. I slept over KB (kinda boyfriend)'s house last night and actually slept through the night without a single attack and haven't had a single one today!
So to keep with my positive thinking... Everyday is a challenge and sometimes these days can be grouped together but I can make it through any problems that are thrown my way with a smile on my face and love in my heart!
Until recently, I never realized how much my anxiety has taken over my life but it has found the depths of my mind and is effecting my body. Over the past few days, I was having 3-4 anxiety (panic) attacks a day which includes waking up in the middle of the night with one. The nighttime episodes are the scariest because I can feel it but it is hard to snap out of the dream state and start breathing again.
I know that the attacks are caused by some overwhelming stress in my life that I am in desperate need of controlling. Just this week alone, my job has become worse and I just want to quit and start somewhere new. Alas, I cannot quit without having another job lined up or having my biz take off and I can just work from home which sucks! Then you all know what has been going on with my boyfriend situation which I am happy to say we are attempting to work things out and he is feeling much better! Lastly, having a sick toddler is never easy but just adds some pressure when you are a single mom who just wants a bit of sleep and can't just drop and sleep when I feel like it....
So when I talked to the doctor the other day, he agreed that I need something to help with the attacks because they are not healthy for my mind or body. So he prescribed me a medication to take which after 2 days is seeming to start to help. I slept over KB (kinda boyfriend)'s house last night and actually slept through the night without a single attack and haven't had a single one today!
So to keep with my positive thinking... Everyday is a challenge and sometimes these days can be grouped together but I can make it through any problems that are thrown my way with a smile on my face and love in my heart!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Good Little Girlfriend
When I care about someone there is nothing I wouldn't do for them... no matter how much they have hurt me.
My kinda boyfriend (that is his nickname in my personal life) became sick over the weekend after my lil one (who is sick) and I spent the night. He has only gotten worse day by day. Yesterday he had a high fever and medicine wasn't working so he went to the doctor's office today. Well to help him feel better I have been trying to bring him food and small surprises even though he says he is fine and doesn't need anything (typical guy!). My heart broke when I saw him as pale as I am (which I have a completely natural porcelain look!).
Bringing him surprises made me happy to see a small smile on his face! You all read about my surprise yesterday and today I made him a gag gift for April Fools Day... A crocheted condom (not to be used as a prevention of pregnancy or STDs!!). When I dropped food off today he was at the doctor's office so I haven't gotten to give him the gift but I have a surprise planned for the next few days until he feels better because that is the kinda girl I am when I love someone...
**Honey I hope you feel better soon...I love you :)
My kinda boyfriend (that is his nickname in my personal life) became sick over the weekend after my lil one (who is sick) and I spent the night. He has only gotten worse day by day. Yesterday he had a high fever and medicine wasn't working so he went to the doctor's office today. Well to help him feel better I have been trying to bring him food and small surprises even though he says he is fine and doesn't need anything (typical guy!). My heart broke when I saw him as pale as I am (which I have a completely natural porcelain look!).
Bringing him surprises made me happy to see a small smile on his face! You all read about my surprise yesterday and today I made him a gag gift for April Fools Day... A crocheted condom (not to be used as a prevention of pregnancy or STDs!!). When I dropped food off today he was at the doctor's office so I haven't gotten to give him the gift but I have a surprise planned for the next few days until he feels better because that is the kinda girl I am when I love someone...
**Honey I hope you feel better soon...I love you :)
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
One Baby Step Forward
"Don't let someone become your everything, because when they're gone you have nothing"
I love that quote because it reminds me that even though I love my boyfriend so much, I can't live my life for him but for ME! Today has been a better day in general. I did practice my affrimations but I feel I need to expand on them a bit more by reciting them in the mirror a few times a day. I was reciting my affirmations in the morning before I left for work but now I will recite them in the evening also. This is my goal for the rest of the week and get into a routine with this.
Update on my setback...
My boyfriend ended up getting very sick with a high fever so as the good girlfriend I brought him chicken noodle soup, gatorade, crackers, sherbert, medicine and a magazine to feel better. Along with the medicine I brought him a bouquet of 9 red roses- 1 for each month we have been together and an extra rose for the future we will share, 2 pink roses- one for each of us and 2 stargazer lilies. See when he and I started dating, he brought me 2 dozen roses-1 dozen pink and 1 dozen red roses, so as a symbol of my love for him I put the roses together with my other fav flower, lilies. I think he liked them but he is quite out of it with being sick.
So one baby step at a time I will find myself again....
I love that quote because it reminds me that even though I love my boyfriend so much, I can't live my life for him but for ME! Today has been a better day in general. I did practice my affrimations but I feel I need to expand on them a bit more by reciting them in the mirror a few times a day. I was reciting my affirmations in the morning before I left for work but now I will recite them in the evening also. This is my goal for the rest of the week and get into a routine with this.
Update on my setback...
My boyfriend ended up getting very sick with a high fever so as the good girlfriend I brought him chicken noodle soup, gatorade, crackers, sherbert, medicine and a magazine to feel better. Along with the medicine I brought him a bouquet of 9 red roses- 1 for each month we have been together and an extra rose for the future we will share, 2 pink roses- one for each of us and 2 stargazer lilies. See when he and I started dating, he brought me 2 dozen roses-1 dozen pink and 1 dozen red roses, so as a symbol of my love for him I put the roses together with my other fav flower, lilies. I think he liked them but he is quite out of it with being sick.
So one baby step at a time I will find myself again....
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Major Setback
One can never expect perfection because it truly doesn't exist in this life so I will admit that I did have a major setback in my quest to find confidence and happyness.
My boyfriend and I have been on and off for 8 months now but the last couple of months we have been fighting almost non stop when aren't broken up. See I have trust and control issues that have gotten in the way of a man who is used to being on his own for 3 years and not answering to anyone. I want our relationship to go a certain way and when it goes off the path that I want, I tend to start a HUGE fight which happen to be on Sundays. This past weekend, we talked about letting the past hurt go and not fighting anymore then we went Saturday and Sunday not talking which I HATE! I can't stand having no communication because it makes me feel like I am not worth his time or effort to just say hi... So I ended up sending way to many text messages until he called me and blew up on me Sunday night. I know that I didn't need to send all those messages and say a quarter of what I did but I can't take it back now.
So last night we talked for the first time since the fight and I ended up in tears and begging for yet another chance to prove that I won't fight with him but I don't think that this time he will forgive me. See the thing is... every time we fight and break up like this we ended up back together a few weeks later but it is time to break this cycle.
Since I am back to square one I will be starting with my affirmations again today and just reminding myself that I am a great person that deserves the best in this world!
My boyfriend and I have been on and off for 8 months now but the last couple of months we have been fighting almost non stop when aren't broken up. See I have trust and control issues that have gotten in the way of a man who is used to being on his own for 3 years and not answering to anyone. I want our relationship to go a certain way and when it goes off the path that I want, I tend to start a HUGE fight which happen to be on Sundays. This past weekend, we talked about letting the past hurt go and not fighting anymore then we went Saturday and Sunday not talking which I HATE! I can't stand having no communication because it makes me feel like I am not worth his time or effort to just say hi... So I ended up sending way to many text messages until he called me and blew up on me Sunday night. I know that I didn't need to send all those messages and say a quarter of what I did but I can't take it back now.
So last night we talked for the first time since the fight and I ended up in tears and begging for yet another chance to prove that I won't fight with him but I don't think that this time he will forgive me. See the thing is... every time we fight and break up like this we ended up back together a few weeks later but it is time to break this cycle.
Since I am back to square one I will be starting with my affirmations again today and just reminding myself that I am a great person that deserves the best in this world!
Monday, March 29, 2010
Thinking Positive
Positive thinking is the beginning steps of becoming a confident woman! I have learned that confidence and positive thinking go hand in hand so now I need to take the steps to changing my thought pattern. Over the years, I have attempted to change my negativity but honestly it only lasts for a few days or a week. Usually something will occur that will upset me and I end up back to my usual miserable, negative state of mind.
I feel I need to give you some background information on my life... Negativity has been a breeding ground in my mind for 10+ years so instead of looking at anything half full, everything is half empty and I find everything that can go wrong will go wrong from there. Even last night I let my negativity get the best of me and I ended up letting it take over my thoughts to the point that I may have lost a very special person in my life. Relationships have never been my strong point because of my insecurity and has been a on-going fight between my boyfriend and I for months. Well I let my negative thoughts start and escalate a fight to a point of teetering on the edge of a cliff. If the wind blows one way we will be safe, if it blows the other way I will lose my love forever. So here I am trying to change things before the wind blows the wrong way.
So my first step to work towards positive thinking is reciting affirmations to myself. For the past year I have been writing affirmations, usually when I was upset and wanted something in my life to change then I would have a happy spell and stop writing them. The most common place I would write my affirmations were at work because I had the down time and always had scraps of paper to do it. People were always asking what I was writing and I told them my happy thoughts. When they asked what were my happy thoughts, I was to embarrassed to tell them. So here on my blog I will give an idea of what 2 affirmations I write everyday: 1. I am a beautiful, confident, successful woman who surrounds myself with positive, supportive people. 2. I find love in a beautiful, loving marriage with a special man who loves me as I am. (there is more to this affirmation but I am going to eliminate some of the details)
Now my goal is to expand on these affirmations by reciting them when I begin to have a negative thoughts. I have also been told that reciting them out loud in front of mirror is a why to become more comfortable and confident with yourself so I will be spending 5 mins/day 2 times a day doing this.
Here is some great affirmations for you to try:
I am free to be myself
I have the energy and passion to make my thoughts reality
I let my own blessed life and my own inspired work be an instrument of peace and love.
I have the strength and determination to prevail any obstacle that comes my way.
I hope that you will share some affirmations that have worked for you!
I feel I need to give you some background information on my life... Negativity has been a breeding ground in my mind for 10+ years so instead of looking at anything half full, everything is half empty and I find everything that can go wrong will go wrong from there. Even last night I let my negativity get the best of me and I ended up letting it take over my thoughts to the point that I may have lost a very special person in my life. Relationships have never been my strong point because of my insecurity and has been a on-going fight between my boyfriend and I for months. Well I let my negative thoughts start and escalate a fight to a point of teetering on the edge of a cliff. If the wind blows one way we will be safe, if it blows the other way I will lose my love forever. So here I am trying to change things before the wind blows the wrong way.
So my first step to work towards positive thinking is reciting affirmations to myself. For the past year I have been writing affirmations, usually when I was upset and wanted something in my life to change then I would have a happy spell and stop writing them. The most common place I would write my affirmations were at work because I had the down time and always had scraps of paper to do it. People were always asking what I was writing and I told them my happy thoughts. When they asked what were my happy thoughts, I was to embarrassed to tell them. So here on my blog I will give an idea of what 2 affirmations I write everyday: 1. I am a beautiful, confident, successful woman who surrounds myself with positive, supportive people. 2. I find love in a beautiful, loving marriage with a special man who loves me as I am. (there is more to this affirmation but I am going to eliminate some of the details)
Now my goal is to expand on these affirmations by reciting them when I begin to have a negative thoughts. I have also been told that reciting them out loud in front of mirror is a why to become more comfortable and confident with yourself so I will be spending 5 mins/day 2 times a day doing this.
Here is some great affirmations for you to try:
I am free to be myself
I have the energy and passion to make my thoughts reality
I let my own blessed life and my own inspired work be an instrument of peace and love.
I have the strength and determination to prevail any obstacle that comes my way.
I hope that you will share some affirmations that have worked for you!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
The Confident Modern Woman
The confident, modern woman is the person I strive to become and the reason I am starting this blog. In the past 10 years, I have been thru so much that my confidence has been shaken to the core and I want to find it again. So each day I will be chronicling my journey to becoming the Confident Modern Woman.
I will tell you a little about me (though you will learn more as write each blog).... I am a singe mom to 3 beautiful children (9, 7 and 3 years old) though I am only raising the youngest one right now (more to come on that and yes its by a mutual agreement with my ex-husband). A year and half ago, my dear younger brother unexpectedly died and this shattered a better part of me that I am still trying to recover. I started my own business 2 years ago that I create clothing, handbags, scarves and accessories and sell them on etsy.com. Being a business owner who creates, markets, sells and does all the little things is alot more than I expected to take on. Lastly, I am in love with a man who has a hard time loving me back (for more than a day or 2) and I can't seem to let go of the hope of us becoming a perfect couple one day.
So over the next year, I plan on blogging about my attempts to find ways to build my confidence and maybe find me again. Learning to put the past behind me will be my first challenge and tonight I plan on writing a letter to the people who have hurt me and forgiving them because I need to start this challenge with an open, loving heart!
Each woman deserves to feel confident, beautiful, respected and loved and I hope that this will help not only me but other woman to find this.
I will tell you a little about me (though you will learn more as write each blog).... I am a singe mom to 3 beautiful children (9, 7 and 3 years old) though I am only raising the youngest one right now (more to come on that and yes its by a mutual agreement with my ex-husband). A year and half ago, my dear younger brother unexpectedly died and this shattered a better part of me that I am still trying to recover. I started my own business 2 years ago that I create clothing, handbags, scarves and accessories and sell them on etsy.com. Being a business owner who creates, markets, sells and does all the little things is alot more than I expected to take on. Lastly, I am in love with a man who has a hard time loving me back (for more than a day or 2) and I can't seem to let go of the hope of us becoming a perfect couple one day.
So over the next year, I plan on blogging about my attempts to find ways to build my confidence and maybe find me again. Learning to put the past behind me will be my first challenge and tonight I plan on writing a letter to the people who have hurt me and forgiving them because I need to start this challenge with an open, loving heart!
Each woman deserves to feel confident, beautiful, respected and loved and I hope that this will help not only me but other woman to find this.
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