"When you struggle with your partner, you are struggling with yourself. Every fault you see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself. "- Deepak Chopra
So as you all have seen or not seen, I haven't blogged in a while mainly because I have been far from confident. They say that when it rains, it pours...well that has been my life lately! The biggest struggle of them all is my relationship with my boyfriend who will now be referred to as Pink Pants (my daughter refers to his albums by a guy in pink pants on the cover of one!). As you have read in my previous blogs, my relationship with Pink Pants has been one of great struggle and many tears.
I read the quote above and realized that I do concentrate on many of the flaws of our relationship instead of the great things between us. I have this "plan" of the way I want my relationship to be and when it doesn't conform to that, lets just say its not pretty and Pink Pants will tell you that.
Insecurity.... This is the biggest struggle within myself and it has been reflected in my relationship to a point where it has pushed Pink Pants away at times. To others, I can carry a certain confidence and some even say arrogance (my nickname is Princess) but when I am with him all of that goes out the door. I want someone who wants to give me attention. That asks how my day is going or just calls to say hi and hear my voice. See he can go days without talking to me and I struggle with that immensely. I tend to wonder how much I can matter to him if he doesn't care to see how I am doing. Now, I know that alot of that is my anxiety and insecurity that I need to work on within myself.
Jealousy... The big "Green Eyed Monster"! Everyone has had a struggle with jealousy at some point in their life but this one is a consistent struggle in my life. In the past I have been cheated on and now I trust very few people. So I did go into my relationship with Pink Pants, having very little trust and his close relationship with some females made me feeling like the past was going to be repeated. In the beginning, he gave me no real reason to feel this way until I started catching him in lies which he told to avoid my jealous "rages". Jealousy and Insecurity go hand in hand and something that I am working on everyday.
So now that I have aired my "bad" side, I am still on the fence on whether I should continue this relationship or let Pink Pants go. I know that we care about each more than words can tell but I also know that my frustration has hit an all time high. I am not asking to be treated like a Princess but communication is essential to a relationship. So I am going to try and concentrate on the good points in our relationship and give it sometime to develop....
So as you all have seen or not seen, I haven't blogged in a while mainly because I have been far from confident. They say that when it rains, it pours...well that has been my life lately! The biggest struggle of them all is my relationship with my boyfriend who will now be referred to as Pink Pants (my daughter refers to his albums by a guy in pink pants on the cover of one!). As you have read in my previous blogs, my relationship with Pink Pants has been one of great struggle and many tears.
I read the quote above and realized that I do concentrate on many of the flaws of our relationship instead of the great things between us. I have this "plan" of the way I want my relationship to be and when it doesn't conform to that, lets just say its not pretty and Pink Pants will tell you that.
Insecurity.... This is the biggest struggle within myself and it has been reflected in my relationship to a point where it has pushed Pink Pants away at times. To others, I can carry a certain confidence and some even say arrogance (my nickname is Princess) but when I am with him all of that goes out the door. I want someone who wants to give me attention. That asks how my day is going or just calls to say hi and hear my voice. See he can go days without talking to me and I struggle with that immensely. I tend to wonder how much I can matter to him if he doesn't care to see how I am doing. Now, I know that alot of that is my anxiety and insecurity that I need to work on within myself.
Jealousy... The big "Green Eyed Monster"! Everyone has had a struggle with jealousy at some point in their life but this one is a consistent struggle in my life. In the past I have been cheated on and now I trust very few people. So I did go into my relationship with Pink Pants, having very little trust and his close relationship with some females made me feeling like the past was going to be repeated. In the beginning, he gave me no real reason to feel this way until I started catching him in lies which he told to avoid my jealous "rages". Jealousy and Insecurity go hand in hand and something that I am working on everyday.
So now that I have aired my "bad" side, I am still on the fence on whether I should continue this relationship or let Pink Pants go. I know that we care about each more than words can tell but I also know that my frustration has hit an all time high. I am not asking to be treated like a Princess but communication is essential to a relationship. So I am going to try and concentrate on the good points in our relationship and give it sometime to develop....
