"Oftentimes we say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to. Though that doesn’t mean that we've stopped loving them or we've stopped to care. Sometimes goodbye is a painful way to say I love you."
I never really understood the pain of letting go of someone you love until recently. My relationship with "Weston" (that is going to be my code name for him) was a tumultuous one with many highs and lows but ended on a down note. It ended with my leaving him because neither one of us could handle our consistent fighting. The funny thing about it is our fighting was over the big picture of wanting 2 different things in our relationship.
Weston wanted freedom, living his life with no rules, no one to answer to even if it meant lying to the one who cared about him the most. Where as, I loved him with all my heart and looked for a future for the both of us. I longed for the day that he wanted me as much as I wanted him and the marriage and children with him. I would get glimpses of him as I wanted him but ultimately he couldn't handle the long term relationship I desired.
Since the day I left in September... September 13th to be exact.... we have been in and out of our lives but not in a good way. We fought over things that was no longer our business like who we were with or going. I realized that I needed time away from him, from us to get my head back on straight. No matter what I have tried to do, Weston has stayed on my mind and in my thoughts everyday.
A week ago I was on Facebook and saw him comment to a mutual friend about the trial and error method of finding love hurts like hell. Well that was it... all I could think about was him. It gets "better".... he then contacts me that evening and we talked for a bit. I went to see him the other day and it was like nothing ever happened between us. I can't deny that it felt good to be with him again but I know that we are still on different pages of our lives. It just hurts to love someone so much and having to walk away again.
I never really understood the pain of letting go of someone you love until recently. My relationship with "Weston" (that is going to be my code name for him) was a tumultuous one with many highs and lows but ended on a down note. It ended with my leaving him because neither one of us could handle our consistent fighting. The funny thing about it is our fighting was over the big picture of wanting 2 different things in our relationship.
Weston wanted freedom, living his life with no rules, no one to answer to even if it meant lying to the one who cared about him the most. Where as, I loved him with all my heart and looked for a future for the both of us. I longed for the day that he wanted me as much as I wanted him and the marriage and children with him. I would get glimpses of him as I wanted him but ultimately he couldn't handle the long term relationship I desired.
Since the day I left in September... September 13th to be exact.... we have been in and out of our lives but not in a good way. We fought over things that was no longer our business like who we were with or going. I realized that I needed time away from him, from us to get my head back on straight. No matter what I have tried to do, Weston has stayed on my mind and in my thoughts everyday.
A week ago I was on Facebook and saw him comment to a mutual friend about the trial and error method of finding love hurts like hell. Well that was it... all I could think about was him. It gets "better".... he then contacts me that evening and we talked for a bit. I went to see him the other day and it was like nothing ever happened between us. I can't deny that it felt good to be with him again but I know that we are still on different pages of our lives. It just hurts to love someone so much and having to walk away again.
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