One Baby Step Forward

"Don't let someone become your everything, because when they're gone you have nothing"

I love that quote because it reminds me that even though I love my boyfriend so much, I can't live my life for him but for ME! Today has been a better day in general. I did practice my affrimations but I feel I need to expand on them a bit more by reciting them in the mirror a few times a day. I was reciting my affirmations in the morning before I left for work but now I will recite them in the evening also. This is my goal for the rest of the week and get into a routine with this.

Update on my setback...
My boyfriend ended up getting very sick with a high fever so as the good girlfriend I brought him chicken noodle soup, gatorade, crackers, sherbert, medicine and a magazine to feel better. Along with the medicine I brought him a bouquet of 9 red roses- 1 for each month we have been together and an extra rose for the future we will share, 2 pink roses- one for each of us and 2 stargazer lilies. See when he and I started dating, he brought me 2 dozen roses-1 dozen pink and 1 dozen red roses, so as a symbol of my love for him I put the roses together with my other fav flower, lilies. I think he liked them but he is quite out of it with being sick.

So one baby step at a time I will find myself again....

Major Setback

One can never expect perfection because it truly doesn't exist in this life so I will admit that I did have a major setback in my quest to find confidence and happyness.

My boyfriend and I have been on and off for 8 months now but the last couple of months we have been fighting almost non stop when aren't broken up. See I have trust and control issues that have gotten in the way of a man who is used to being on his own for 3 years and not answering to anyone. I want our relationship to go a certain way and when it goes off the path that I want, I tend to start a HUGE fight which happen to be on Sundays. This past weekend, we talked about letting the past hurt go and not fighting anymore then we went Saturday and Sunday not talking which I HATE! I can't stand having no communication because it makes me feel like I am not worth his time or effort to just say hi... So I ended up sending way to many text messages until he called me and blew up on me Sunday night. I know that I didn't need to send all those messages and say a quarter of what I did but I can't take it back now.

So last night we talked for the first time since the fight and I ended up in tears and begging for yet another chance to prove that I won't fight with him but I don't think that this time he will forgive me. See the thing is... every time we fight and break up like this we ended up back together a few weeks later but it is time to break this cycle.

Since I am back to square one I will be starting with my affirmations again today and just reminding myself that I am a great person that deserves the best in this world!

Thinking Positive

Positive thinking is the beginning steps of becoming a confident woman! I have learned that confidence and positive thinking go hand in hand so now I need to take the steps to changing my thought pattern. Over the years, I have attempted to change my negativity but honestly it only lasts for a few days or a week. Usually something will occur that will upset me and I end up back to my usual miserable, negative state of mind.

I feel I need to give you some background information on my life... Negativity has been a breeding ground in my mind for 10+ years so instead of looking at anything half full, everything is half empty and I find everything that can go wrong will go wrong from there. Even last night I let my negativity get the best of me and I ended up letting it take over my thoughts to the point that I may have lost a very special person in my life. Relationships have never been my strong point because of my insecurity and has been a on-going fight between my boyfriend and I for months. Well I let my negative thoughts start and escalate a fight to a point of teetering on the edge of a cliff. If the wind blows one way we will be safe, if it blows the other way I will lose my love forever. So here I am trying to change things before the wind blows the wrong way.

So my first step to work towards positive thinking is reciting affirmations to myself. For the past year I have been writing affirmations, usually when I was upset and wanted something in my life to change then I would have a happy spell and stop writing them. The most common place I would write my affirmations were at work because I had the down time and always had scraps of paper to do it. People were always asking what I was writing and I told them my happy thoughts. When they asked what were my happy thoughts, I was to embarrassed to tell them. So here on my blog I will give an idea of what 2 affirmations I write everyday: 1. I am a beautiful, confident, successful woman who surrounds myself with positive, supportive people. 2. I find love in a beautiful, loving marriage with a special man who loves me as I am. (there is more to this affirmation but I am going to eliminate some of the details)

Now my goal is to expand on these affirmations by reciting them when I begin to have a negative thoughts. I have also been told that reciting them out loud in front of mirror is a why to become more comfortable and confident with yourself so I will be spending 5 mins/day 2 times a day doing this.

Here is some great affirmations for you to try:
I am free to be myself
I have the energy and passion to make my thoughts reality
I let my own blessed life and my own inspired work be an instrument of peace and love.
I have the strength and determination to prevail any obstacle that comes my way.

I hope that you will share some affirmations that have worked for you!

The Confident Modern Woman

The confident, modern woman is the person I strive to become and the reason I am starting this blog. In the past 10 years, I have been thru so much that my confidence has been shaken to the core and I want to find it again. So each day I will be chronicling my journey to becoming the Confident Modern Woman.

I will tell you a little about me (though you will learn more as write each blog).... I am a singe mom to 3 beautiful children (9, 7 and 3 years old) though I am only raising the youngest one right now (more to come on that and yes its by a mutual agreement with my ex-husband). A year and half ago, my dear younger brother unexpectedly died and this shattered a better part of me that I am still trying to recover. I started my own business 2 years ago that I create clothing, handbags, scarves and accessories and sell them on etsy.com. Being a business owner who creates, markets, sells and does all the little things is alot more than I expected to take on. Lastly, I am in love with a man who has a hard time loving me back (for more than a day or 2) and I can't seem to let go of the hope of us becoming a perfect couple one day.

So over the next year, I plan on blogging about my attempts to find ways to build my confidence and maybe find me again. Learning to put the past behind me will be my first challenge and tonight I plan on writing a letter to the people who have hurt me and forgiving them because I need to start this challenge with an open, loving heart!

Each woman deserves to feel confident, beautiful, respected and loved and I hope that this will help not only me but other woman to find this.